James Patterson

Now, I've never read a Patterson novel, and I am told I'm not missing much, but I do like the Women's Murder Club TV series, so call me undecided about Patterson's skills as a story teller. There is one thing about him as a writer that is really fascinating - he puts out a lot of books. Of course, it's easier when you have a stable full of writers happy to do the actual writing. One imagines him in the role of Homer Simpson in that episode where Homer is put in charge of a power plant and decides to boost productivity by asking his workers if they can work faster. The room full of workers just start typing faster...

But here's the thing: I was driving in to work today when I heard an ad for a Patterson novel. Nothing unusual there. But the ad was for a romance called Sundays at Tiffany's. Now, first I asked myself "Patterson writes romance?" That didn't seem right given that his books tend to be about men who obsessively chop women into small bits. But then I asked myself "Didn't someone else write something with a similar title? Maybe Breakfast at Tiffany's?" And, of course, someone did write that. I know. I saw the movie.

So it makes me wonder what Patterson will think of next. Lunch at Tiffany's can't be far behind. Probably right after Brunch at Tiffany's. Or the historical drama Gone with the Breeze. War and Peace Talks. Paradise Misplaced. Far from the Upsetting Crowd? And what of his return to mystery? The Dog of the Baskervilles? His descent into noir: The Letter Carrier Sometimes Just Knocks?

You see how this can go on forever. And strangely, Patterson has enough people writing for him, that he actually could put his name to titles like these. And make millions.

Maybe, just maybe, I can change my name. Paterson with one T.