I Heard the News Today, Oh Boy...

There's no way to tell how much Gary Carter meant to die hard Mets fans in the mid 1980s. What with Daryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden and Keith Hernandez putting up good numbers, acquiring Carter gave fans the sense the team was a serious contender. And for once it wasn't a false hope. In 1986, he led the way to a world championship. He hit like the Hall of Famer he was and caught a relatively inexperienced pitching staff and made them all look better. Didn't he hit a game-winning homerun in his first game with the Mets? And he smiled. Always. Nothing fake. The Kid. My God what a great name for such a man. Then a tumor in his brain. In the last months, Carter's been out of the public eye. That's to be expected. But even months after his diagnosis and the word that this wasn't one of those things that doctors can help with - a death sentence in essence - The Kid kept smiling, kept working for his charities as much as he could, kept upbeat, kept his faith. Baseball hero? Of course. And so much more. I miss the man though I didn't know him. That's a testimony, no?

Shakira NOT Bitten By Sea Lion...

The well-known and multitalented Colombian singer/dancer approached a sea lion in South Africa and it approached her. The sea lion did not bite her, and she did not bite it. The sea lion bellowed and she screamed in return. "I thought it was going to kill me," she said ("she" being Shakira) "but then it didn't." The sea lion had no comment. Both singer and sea lion are alive and well though not on speaking terms. You can read the full story HERE, but you won't get much more than I've told you already.

Free E-book Redux

If you're looking for some humor, I've got THE DEVIL'S SNARE for free on Kindle for the rest of today. Really. What have you got to lose?

To Hell with Dickens...

Don't get me wrong. I love his novels and the man's story can be quite inspiring. But he turned 200 years old a couple of days ago. Celebrate if you like. In fact, if you like novels, definitely do celebrate - Dickens did a lot to make novels in general what they are today. But please, I beg of you on bended knee, don't celebrate by buying another copy of Oliver Twist (great as that book is).

I'm not 200. Just 42. And still living. Want to buy a novel? Try THE CONCRETE MAZE. Less than a buck. It's also my favorite of the ones I've written.

Don't want my book? Try Russel McLean's Sam Bryson stories - Scottish Private Investigator with a heart of gold and a skull of solid rock since he gets hit so often.

Or try I.J. Parker's Akitada and the Way of Justice. A 10th century Japanese detective.

Or Iain Rowan's collection of nastiness, Nowhere to Go


Or really anyone else who isn't dead yet...

Free E-book

I put up one of my short stories as a Kindle last year. It's called The Devil's Snare: A Comedy - kind of a Screwtape Letters story. You can borrow it now if you're one of those Amazon Prime members I hear about. Or you can download it free today, Feb. 9th and tomorrow. Just click here.

Here's a brief description: The Devil himself narrates about his deal with 72 year-old Edith Porter.

The Free E-book Ploy, Part III

Okay, there's my free e-book, KILLING WAYS 2 (get it now before you forget - I might extend the sale, but technically, it ends today) and if you like that (or just gritty, noir type stories) there is also my full-length novel THE CONCRETE MAZE. I've dropped the price on it to $.99.

So, right now you could get two books for less than a dollar.

So, America is a great country. What else is new?

Cracking the German Market

Finally. I reported my first reader from Spain. Now I can report the first download by a German customer. Could it be the irresistible price of KILLING WAYS 2? Yes, probably. Still, neat to know at least two people on the continent know my name.

Not to mention I've made nine regular sales - Will I double the twenty-seven sales I wound up making in January? I think I will.

The Free E-book Ploy, Part II

All day today, some of my best stories are free to you if you have a Kindle device or a Kindle app for your PC, Mac, phone, microwave or wristwatch. These are the six stories collected in an anthology I called KILLING WAYS 2 (because KILLING WAYS was already taken - by me. It's also a fine collection, just not free. Less than a buck, though...).

Here's a description taken straight from Amazon:

Hard luck, hard knock, hot and cold blooded killers, criminals, and the people they collide with.

1 - The Biography of Stoop, the Thief - Chapter One: Stoop and Clyde. Stupendous Jones has had a hard life from the day he was born, but can he (as a twelve year old) save the life of the only guardian he's ever known? Should he even try?

2 - The Biography of Stoop, the Thief - Chapter Three: Stoop and Elizabeth. Stoop finally finds the woman he thinks is his mother, but will the cost of saving her from her own demons be too high for a young boy to pay? Publisher's Weekly called the story "moving." I challenge you to disagree.

3 - Bronx, Summer, 1971 - Ray Cruz hurts people for a living. When family members are found murdered, it's a race against the police to find the guilty and make them pay.

4 - Padrino - Ray Cruz is back, and his goddaughter has been brutally attacked. She's not sure who beat her, but Ray makes it his mission to find out.

5 - Elena Speaks of the City, Under Siege - It's a city under siege and you are young, beautiful and smart. But can you make it out of the city before your sanity crumbles like the infrastructure? And what would you do once you've left?

6 - Early Fall - Yolanda Morales comes across a young runaway who calls herself "Jasmine" and tries to save her from a life on the streets even if she doesn't want to be saved. But what can one determined woman do when the rich and reckless come to the city looking for prey?

Note that the second story in the group was nominated for a Derringer by the Short Mystery Fiction Society. The fifth story won a Derringer. The sixth story was included in BRONX NOIR, edited by SJ Rozan. Stories one and three were published by Crimespree Magazine. Story four ran in PLOTS WITH GUNS.

Every story has a pedigree, so it's not like I'm asking you to clog up your Kindle with crap...

Just so you know, the second story was published in an anthology - UNCAGE ME! edited by the lovely and talented Jennifer Jordan for Bleak House. Publishers Weekly called my story "the most moving." And they meant it in a good way.

Winning!

Since putting KILLING WAYS 2 up for free on Amazon, I've gotten a fair number of new readers which is, of course, great, but there's one reader in particular I wish I knew more about. Somebody in Spain downloaded the book. I've never had a reader in Spain. Of course, for all I know, this might be a person who happens to be passing through Spain with their Kindle - the world is funny that way now, everything being digital, etc. In any event, glad for the new readers. Ole!

Hope this means good news for when I get the rights back to my PRECINCT PUERTO RICO series...

Also a half dozen downloads from the UK.

The Free E-book Ploy, Part I

Here's a free E-book for you (as long as you have a Kindle or Kindle app...). Download it. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. Tell those of your cousins you're feeling ambivalent about. Free until Feb. 3rd. Not free after that.

Cover to follow on the next post. And, yes, descriptions of the stories, etc.

Unless this actually works... Then maybe free a couple more days later in the year.

The Anti-Konrath...

Well, it's the end of the month (just about) and I got achingly close to my sales goal. In case you haven't been following closely (and really, what's wrong with you?) my goal for the month was to sell twenty-five Kindle e-books. That's twenty-five copies total, not twenty-five per day or per minute. Nor is it twenty-five of each of my titles (I have a total of seven titles available - two novels, two short stories, and three story collections). Just twenty-five. There are still a few hours left in the month, but I'm stuck at twenty-four. I've been there for a few days. Ah well. If I do my maths correctly, that's a total of $10.50 in my pocket that wasn't there before, so that's not so bad, but...

I'm not sure how to increase sales. There are a lot of things that I'm not doing yet - for instance, some writers say that if you're active on Facebook, you get greater sales. First, I can't imagine how that works. How would people find me there unless I tell tham I'm on Facebook? And if I have their ear for that long, why wouldn't I just tell them where my books can be bought? (Amazon... That's pretty much it.)

Still, there are a lot of things that I have done througout my writing career and now with the Kindles. It's just that absolutely none of it has ever helped. Years ago when people were giving away free stuff (bookmarks, pens, baseball caps, etc.) I gave away a ton of stuff. Sales sucked. When the advice was "get short stories published to boost novel sales," I published a couple dozen stories. Paying markets, non-paying, online, in print, anthologies, you name it. Sales sucked. I did signings at bookstores, booktalks at libraries, other speaking engagements. Nothing. And, by the way, I'm not saying the uptick in sales was small, I'm saying there was literally NO uptick in sales. I wrote articles for magazines, even one for the New York Times. Nothing. Conference panels? Nothing. Getting blurbs from all the best authors (except you, of couse)? Done. Sales? Unchanged.

Then Kindle came along. I could be in chrage of my own lack of sales for once. Nice covers? Some of the e-books have really nice artwork, I think. Here's an example:



I like it.

High quality content? yes. Some stories nominated for awards. One was a winner. Great reviews. Not sure what else I could do on that score.

Formatting? Certainly adequate though I can't say I'm an expert. No glaring problems that I can tell.

Haven't done the social media thing (though I blog as you see and I'm on several listservs - not terribly active perhaps).

My website is not as up to date as it should be.

I don't have a mailing list at all. Wouldn't know how to construct one though I'm sure it's easy. There's a fault. People who have shown an interest in my past writings aren't automatically told about future writings. Of course, Dickens made a bundle without a mailing list, but....

What else am I doing wrong? Tell me. I want to know.

The Drive for Twenty-five

Okay. If I sell a total of twenty-five kindles this month, I'll be quite pleased with myself. So far, I'm at nineteen. That's total sales. Mind you, that's more than any other month since I've been flogging kindle files. Anyway, I've got a few days left before closing out the books on the month. Here are some titles in case you're interested in killing two birds with one stone*:


1 - The Precinct Puerto Rico Files - a set of stories about the characters from my Precinct Puerto Rico series of novels.

2 - The Concrete Maze - a hardboiled, noir novel set in New York City in the 1990s when the city averaged more than a half dozen murders a day. A father loses his daughter to the mean streets. What will he do to get her back?

3 - Killing Ways 2 - Adequately described at Amazon: "Hard luck, hard knock, hot and cold blooded killers, criminals, and the people they collide with."


* The two birds are, of course, helping me reach my goal and getting yourself some very fine reading material.

Justin Beiber Singing Toothbrush...

You might be tempted to think I'm making this up. Justin Beiber sells a singing toothbrush.

I know about this because Groupon sent me a coupon for it. This is how I know Groupon is NOT tailoring their promotions for me.

The slogans write themselves I think: "I can't get that song out of my head..." "Now I've got a little Beiber in my mouth..." Actually, that's about it for me. Feel free to write your own.

My Precinct Puerto Rico Stories

Well, they're out and about and sales are strong - that is, I've sold four copies. Which is strong for me. The Anti-Konrath, me. In any event, the collection is called The Precinct Puerto Rico Files, and I've put up some artwork for the cover finally, but I'm not very impressed and will probably be switching it out for something I like in the near (meaning distant) future. Take a look for yourself:



Of course, the print isn't readable at thumbnail size (I think). I could correct that, but honestly the image does little to inspire me. Let me know if I'm too critical. If you think it is fine, I'd like to hear.

Of course, the quality of the stories themselves remains unchanged. One of them was nominated for a Derringer Award, and that's no mean feat. Don't believe me? You try getting nominated for a Derringer.

The Concrete Maze Artwork

Okay, yes, I did it myself. With help from Shutterstock. And, yes, it took me about 700 hours of work (698 to find the image, one to figure out how to use Paint, one to do the rest). But I think it looks very nice. See for yourself:



Of course, I'm even prouder of the novel behind the cover. It's my best work. You can go here and sample (or buy... I wouldn't stop you from buying...)

Of course, you might be waiting to hear what Ken Bruen had to say about it. Here's a snippet: "A dark wondrous jewel of a novel." He said a lot more, but I assure you it was all good. I'll prove it later by quoting him in full.

Snooki without makeup...

Full disclosure: I've never seen an episode of Jersey Shore. This is not a point of pride with me. I just don't have cable TV. I've got rabbit ears. That means I get PBS and CBS, NBC, ABC, and FOX. A couple of local channels when it's not raining. Or cloudy. Or windy. Still, I know of Snooki and her friends.

But...

Wait. A) Why is this news? and, not to be snarky, but B) If you don't want to see Snooki with her makeup on, will the lack of makeup make you change your mind?

That said, she's much better looking without the mask.

The Concrete Maze

If you don't care what the cover looks like, you can get a copy of THE CONCRETE MAZE as a kindle right now. What is THE CONCRETE MAZE, you ask? It is a hardboiled and noir-ish novel I wrote some years ago and which I'm making available for the first time in a year or two.

What did Jennifer Jordan have to say about it? This is a solid novel that shows that Torres can write excellent hard-boiled mysteries.

What did Kevin Tipple have to say about it? a read full of intriguing characters, plenty of action and a twisting case which ultimately results in an intense and suspenseful novel.

Did others like it? Absolutely. I'll say more in the next post.

Marta Argerich... Greatest Ever?

Okay, this isn't mystery related unless it is the mysteries of the human soul and the limits of human capabilities you're seeking. Marta Argerich is considered by many to be the greatest classical pianist of our age and conceivably the greatest in recorded history. Here's a snippet of her at work on Prokofiev's 3rd Concerto, a knuckle breaker.



Not for the faint of heart... And I'm just talking about watching it. It's a part of a much longer movement. The pyrotechnics aren't easily surpassed.

Ranked # 352,654...

Here is a link to my newest Kindle collection, The Precinct Puerto Rico Files.

And here is a description of those stories:

Ten tales featuring heroes from the Precinct Puerto Rico series of novels.

UFO - When a senior citizen reports a UFO has crashed into the woods behind his house, Sheriff Luis Gonzalo isn't in too much of a hurry to investigate, but it isn't long before the town begins to change, and it seems Gonzalo is the only one who isn't in on the secret.

Rolling Rivera - Wheelchair-bound Rivera was a nasty piece of work. Now it seems someone may have used the chair against him.

The Inspector - When a meat inspector goes missing in town, Sheriff Gonzalo learns the man had cultivated more than his fair share of enemies.

Caring for Jose - Rachel Matos claims to have killed her husband, Jose, with one swing of a frying pan, but Sheriff Gonzalo had tussled with the man often enough to know it would take more than that to bring him down.

The Driver - What could have been a routine stop, turns into an all out chase.

Fiesta - One of Sheriff Gonzalo's colleagues notices a suspicious pair of young men at a town party, but how can she get them to talk before the last song is sung?

The Tent of Babel - This story takes one of Sheriff Gonzalo's colleagues back to his time as a prisoner of war in the Korean War.

David - A little boy goes missing just as Hurricane David approaches the island, and Sheriff Gonzalo and his team race to find him.

Angustias, Puerto Rico, 1970 - When one of the more venerated ladies of the town is brutally murdered, Gonzalo races to catch the culprit before it happens again.

The Valley of Angustias - In his very first case, even before becoming sheriff, Luis Gonzalo tries to figure out why citizens of Angustias are being beaten when they don't seem to be connected.


And here is my personal evaluation: I like UFO and THE VALLEY OF ANGUSTIAS the best. For one thing, they earned me the most money having been published in Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine. The latter story is, I think, very well-executed and earned a nomination for a Derringer Award that I'm quite proud of.

Rolling Rivera and The Inspector are based on people I've known -a girl who was married off at just thirteen years of age and a meat inspector who was actually a nice guy, but carried a gun.


Angustias, David, and The Tent are attempts at history. The Tent goess all the way back to the Korean War to show one of the characters from the series and how they made it through a rough patch.

Story Time

If you've been wondering where my collection of Precinct Puerto Rico short stories is, wonder no more. It is here.

Right now it has the plainest cover Amazon can muster, but I'm hoping for pictures from Puerto Rico momentarily in case you're one of those ebook cover hounds who won't buy a book without just the right ebook cover.

Is there more coming? Of course. A collection of oddball stories for one thing. THE CONCRETE MAZE for another.

Oh, and descriptions of this collection in just a little bit.

Take the Test...

Merriam-Webster has a ten question vocabulary quiz. The faster you answer, the higher the score. My best score? 3320. Only tried it twice.

About the Sandusky Thing...

Here's what I don't get - supposedly one of the flunkies at Penn State caught Sandusky in flagrante delicto with a ten year old (who couldn't possibly, therefore, be confused with a consenting adult). He says he shut the door on them then opened it some time later, and Sandusky and the boy were now standing apart. That ended the matter as far as I can tell - that is the flunky didn't say anything to Sandusky at the moment or do anything else.

Why didn't the flunky (who appears to be a large man) go into the locker room, get a helmet and beat Sandusky until he stopped moving?

He says he didn't use the word "intercourse" with Joe Paterno because that would have been too rude a word for Paterno's ears... Not too rude for the boy to be forced to endure, mind you.

I'm no fan of football and certainly no fan of amateur football, but from this example (and apparently there are other examples waiting to be discussed at Syracuse, no?) I would tend to think that while college football might turn out fine young men of good character, it is run by weasels.

Maybe I'm Next...?

Steve Guttenberg is getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Not sure how to feel about that. Loved Short Circuit. Boys from Brazil. Police Academy (the original, not the sequels which all seemed to lack the spark of wit and invention that... Oh, never mind.) But I have to say I would not have guessed he was due for a star. I guess this would have made more sense to me twenty-five years ago.

Anyway, congrats.

La Lohan

Wait. She says her purse went missing and when returned, it didn't have the 10k she was carrying around in it. So... Why is she carrying ten grand? That should probably be a parole violation right there, no? Something like "solicitation of trouble".

Or is this how movie stars make their drug transactions nowadays? Since it's going to be in the papers anyway, might as well make it a real story.

Mean spirited of me? Well, yes. But then, on the other hand, no. I'm not the one leaving a purse with ten grand in it unattended. Believe me, if I had to carry $10,000 in cash, no one would be getting that from me without a weapon or a pair of bloody fists.

Crimespree and Me

Being published in CRIMESPREE MAGAZINE has always been a thrill for me. The editors there take mystery quite seriously and if they give you the thumbs up, then you've really done good.

Well, I've done good again. This time, it's an article on Kindle's impact on the short story market called "Kindle Shorts." In it I interview Jonathan Santlofer and Iain Rowan and have a few (kind) words to say about Steve Hockensmith's collection of stories and articles called "My Dog Needs Surgery."

Will there be more articles of this type in the future? Apparently. Jon Jordan more or less gave me carte blanche in this regard during the last Bouchercon. Of course, the party was pretty loud so it's possible one of us misheard...


Oh, and I'm listed as the fiction editor now which is cool. Stories I'm selecting will start appearing in the March issue (if I understand correctly).

More articles to come...

The Pujols Move

I love Albert Pujols - think he's a monster hitter, great player all around. But a 10 year contract for a quarter of a billion dollars? No. Why not? Not because that money is ridiculous for a guy to play a game. I think there are players who might be worth it. I just think Pujols is probably not one of them. My guess is that his ten best years are behind him, not ahead. They're in St. Louis, not Los Angeles.

Don't get me wrong. He's worth a lot. But would the Angels have ponied up that cash if they thought he'd do what he did last year (.299 / 37 / 99) for the next ten years? Those are great numbers, but not Pujols of old. And speaking of old... At his age, they're basically paying him for the next five years of production and would have to consider anything beyond that as gravy.


Of course, if he rebounds and gift wraps a couple of playoff appearances in the next couple of years, that mighht satisfy, no? I'll be interesting to watch. I'd love to see him return to form.